HEY I just wanna say...

I do not own many of the things I share and/or talk about on this website.
If I do own something, my ego will actually force me to make that clear to you,

I promise.

If and when I post images of my handmade jewelry here, just know that these are crappy webcam pics of them. Sharper and prettier images of the products will be posted to the River Rock Jewelry site later, when the item is ready for sale!

You should get the total Jenny experience
by listening to the music video at the top of each post
while reading my ramblings.

And do not let my eccentric, vulgar music throw you off,
I'm a actually a well-adjusted, happy person!


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Friday, January 28, 2011

my poor head

I found this song in a movie that I watched tonight called Wristcutters. It was pretty funny. I needed that laugh, it was a rough day. Today gave me a nagging headache all day. I took a sample box to school tonight of new items, and only made one sale. I guess it was a bad night for it. I'd stay and talk more but I have to work in the morning and try to make it to the school afterward to fill out financial paperwork before my financial adviser leaves, so I must sleep.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Strange Angels

Despite living in a city like Memphis where there are deep cuts from racism and poverty I rarely talk about racism, or politics, or economics. But I was thinking alot about them today. I watched a story on a little place in MS called Turkey Creek, where direct descendants of black slaves were fighting to save their historical town. No one would help them, not the state or federal govts, not the NAACP, not even the people you would think would fight for their rights. Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson, and many more of these powerful figures would talk on end about the injustice of these events, and about the tragedy of what would happen to the land these people have lived on for 150 years, but they have not raised one finger to help the citizens of Turkey Creek fight for their rights. 

The city even bulldozed a very old graveyard, and built apartments right over the historical grave sites. It was not saved because it was never mapped out for the National Historical Sites Listing. Things continued to get worse until it was discovered that there are many types of endangered or threatened bird species living in that area. That is when the Audubon Society stepped in, and now they are making huge chunks of Turkey Creek protected habitat for these birds, consequentially saving the citizens homes from the bulldozers.

There was an interview with a town advocate on the latest episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. The guy says that when the outdoor enthusiasts showed up in their town, things quickly began to change for the better. Citizens were even educated to identify birds different bird species, and to help the Audubon people to count these animals for study.

The whole thing just shows that for people in power the only thing that matters is profits. But bird people REALLY love birds. And if hanging out with the bird nerds, or whoever is in a position to help us save our country - our planet, well then I'm more than happy to do so. Hey I like birds! I must admit that I do like the planet in general more than people. I just want to see Turkey Creek citizens keep their ancestral homes. I want to see them given  more opportunities to learn the tools that will help them better their town and themselves. I want to see the history preserved, for future generations to experience. I want to see us working together, no matter our personal motivations, to better ourselves and our world. 

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

passive enlightenment

I have been reading a book compiled by a late 19th century author called Paul Carrus. It is called The Teachings of Buddha. Here is a passage that has stuck with me, since an argument Haley and I had recently.

"Self is a fleeting error; it is individual separateness and that egotism which engenders envy and hatred. Self is the yearning for pleasure and the lust after vanity. Truth us the correct comprehension of things; it is the permanent and everlasting, the real in all existence, the bliss of righteousness. The existence of self is an illusion, and there is no wrong in this world, no vice, no evil, except what flows from the assertion of self. The attainment of truth is possible only when self is recognized as an illusion. Righteousness can be practiced only when we have freed out mind from passions of egotism. Perfect peace can dwell only where all vanity has disappeared."

I feel sometimes that I am irreparably flawed, that I cannot even hope to become the person I want to be. That simply I am who I am and there is no such thing as complete change in a person. Then I read things like this and the change seems even more overwhelming. But all this week, I realized even more how weak I am. How little will power I have to stop myself from doing things I know are bad for me.

This has only made me more determined. I will make mistakes, I am not perfect. I must accept that being hard on myself is part of my ego (for all of the wrong reasons), and correct my behavior accordingly. I also must accept that ego is a big part of everyone's life in this society as it is, and stop fighting it. It is not my battle to fight for others, just WITH them. I have a hard enough time doing it for myself.

It's not because I want to be better than others (as if I have life figured out hahaha), but FOR others in my life, and for myself. If I am a better centered person, I will be a better mother for my kids, and a more stable person in general. The self doubt I apply to everything must stop. I feel like if I don't overcome this huge obstacle, I will not be able to win this fight to better myself.

(Simply put) I am self centered, and I want to tone it down a bit.
I want to be a better wife, a better friend, a better person.

Formulating a plan is easy. Putting it in regular practice in and under stress is another thing entirely.

PS: Even the video inspired me today. I found this under the comments for this video on YouTube.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

or as Haley quoted to me yesterday
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and procaliming, " Wow, what a ride!"

This week's injury report:

1. One bruised left knee bumped hard on a coffee table
2. BOTH elbows from two different injuries, one involving the seriously sharp corner of my register at work, the other slammed into a door frame
3. a collision to my abdomen with the business end of a broom
4. and one large bump on the my temple from when I was in my trunk the other day and the wind blew so hard the trunk lid tried to take my head off.

Not to mention the soreness from working out again after months of slacking off.
My body is trying to kill me.

I started watching The Guild, at the insistence of Miss Star.
Its a miniseries about WOW geeks, and it's actually really funny.
I'm off to bed, I have an appointment for the dentist in the morning.

PS: I heard SWV at the gas station today when I took some of the guys from work home. So I've been on a 90's hip-hop/RnB kick today. I loved this song.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

rockin teh purdy

I made some new necklaces tonight!
First we have the mosaic turquoise necklace,
with round brass fillings.

Pretty eh?
Next we have the mixed jade and rhyolite necklace,
with sterling silver rondelle fillings.

I think they are both beautiful,
but don't I look great with the mosaic turquoise one?

chubby cheeks wasn't ready for the camera!!!
I also redid my nails tonight with sparkles and flowers
while I studied for this mid term on Thursday!

You really cant see ANY detail with my crappy webcam.
Too bad I'm broke as a joke.

I'm off to bed to dream of not living paycheck to paycheck...

PS - I am SO lucky to have such a good people in my life.
No reason, just saying.
You know who you are

Monday, January 17, 2011

it's been a weird day

I'm too tired go into it, just take your mind off things for a while and listen to this:

See how refreshing that was?

 Oh yeah I almost forgot.
Do you want to scare your employees into safety submission?
Make them watch this video about on the job safety.
Seriously? this is the worst thing I've ever seen.
Fark said it was found in an old library video vault,
and has not been edited in any way.
NOT for the faint of heart but hey,
whatever keeps people from killing themselves on the job.

I'm off to bed. Now sleep tight!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

an oldie but a goodie

What ever happened to Belly?
They had other good songs too..
Slow Dog, White Belly, OH and Sad Dress!

I have been on a real kick tonight on old 90's music.
I hate to admit it but I miss the 90's.
Well really just the music.

I MUST sleep, I don't know why I can't tonight.
I have to open in the morning.
Correction: in a few hours!!!
I'm gonna go try some more and see what happens.

Friday, January 14, 2011

I was a little hungover today

(it's not the words this time, just the sound of this one)

My head hurt like crazy this morning, I think I got a little carried away.

I also went a little ghetto last night.

I think they're purdy.

I also got my new bead shipment in today!


I can't wait to make something beautiful out of these!!!

For now, I'm gonna go chill and have something to eat.
Later gaters.

OH and BTW,
This is my 200th post!!!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

head swimming

I'm up way too late again. And my brain won't work right anymore, I've been staring at this book for hours. All of the pharm words are running together now.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I always feel so good after a workout

(Passion Pit is awesome to workout to!)

Hell, Ive forgotten how good the after feeling is, I've let it go for so long. 5 minutes of stretching, then 20 minutes of dancing with gentle toning movements for my arms and legs, Then 10 minutes of reps for my butt, back, arms and legs. Then 5 miles on the bike to really get the heart rate going. Today I went a half a mile longer. Then I walk some if it off, and stretch again. MAN do I feel good now. Before I started it felt like an old diesel engine getting started up, and I almost NEVER want to work out. But I make myself get up, put on a headset of loud fast music, and slowly start stretching. I close my eyes and imagine being on the dancefloor at a club with my friends. It puts me in one of those euphoric moods, and makes it easier to get into the mood to move lol

I had a workout buddy today! She wasn't very motivational though lol Yaya sat the whole time next to the bike like, WTH is she doing?!?!? STOP IT AND PLAY WITH ME!!!

I've also gotten myself out of the habit of writing again, and I finally accept that my general daily attitudes come in phases. Some days I let life get to me, and regularly wallow in my own self pity for a while. Then after my "girl time" usually, I hit a high peak again, and I'm back on track. Now, I happen to be back on my track of good thoughts and motivation. Realizing this about myself made this last bad phase easier to motivate myself. I just have to always keep in mind, good or bad mood, that i can do this... whatever it is. I have been through worse, and noone can beat me down but ME.

I can do this. I WILL do this, for ME.<3

Monday, January 10, 2011

because it's never over...

As is customary for me the last few years, it has been a while since I wrote here. I don't feel as much of a need to share every thought I have all of the time anymore. lol I usually share these ideas with Aaron, or I just keep them to myself. In fact, I can safely say that I have been so consumed with school, jewelry making, and drawing lately to even write at all for any length of time.

One thing I have done in my spare time is watch almost every episode of Law and Order: Criminal Intent ever made. It has helped fuel my current obsession with young Vincent D'onofrio. Have I ever mentioned how freaking HAWT he was as a young man? Just don't tell Aaron. He'll get a complex about it, and then I'll have to prove to him how much I love him and not Vincent. lol Maybe I'll do that anyways, just because I love Aaron so damned much, and I like to see him blush and smile at me. If he only knew how much I love him.

I've always thought that Vincent was a spectacular actor. He is one of those few actors I would like to meet. I just want to know what he's like in person. Probably nothing like the character from Law and Order, which is what I always imagine in my head. lol Robert Goren is one of those characters that I hope like hell is even possible as a real person in this world. I could only hope to be half as good as that character is. As in morally, as in logically, as in emotionally. It's not real, over even realistic. But I do love my fantasy! It's hard for me to express how I feel about it here. I do much better in conversation. Try asking me sometime. I'm sure we will spend an hour talking about it. lol

Speaking of which, I took a personality test tonight that ended up defining me as a ESFJ type personality. It's really close. I think that the narrow scope of ESFJ is what I was at 16. I'm getting wider though, and not just in my hips. I think, by this page's definition and my own internal judgment, that I have grown so much since then. I don't ever want to stop getting better, smarter, and more able to relate and express to others.It's very important to me.

It's so late, and I'm exhausted. There is about 5 inches of snow on the ground right now, so I'm not sure if we will even be open in the morning, but I am supposed to be at work in like 7 hours. I really must sleep, though my brain does NOT want to stop right now. That's what a half a bottle of vodka and 2 hours Robert Goren does to me. lol

Gnite darlings.

OH and btw, I gots mah hairs cut n dyed. AH LUVz  EEET!!!