HEY I just wanna say...

I do not own many of the things I share and/or talk about on this website.
If I do own something, my ego will actually force me to make that clear to you,

I promise.

If and when I post images of my handmade jewelry here, just know that these are crappy webcam pics of them. Sharper and prettier images of the products will be posted to the River Rock Jewelry site later, when the item is ready for sale!

You should get the total Jenny experience
by listening to the music video at the top of each post
while reading my ramblings.

And do not let my eccentric, vulgar music throw you off,
I'm a actually a well-adjusted, happy person!


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Saturday, August 11, 2012

Lament to Larry the Goldfish

The above video is another random youtube find, and I think it's a real gem.

Don left a few times today so I was truly alone in the office for most of today. It was quiet so I cranked my little mp3 player and speaker up loud, and reorganized and looked up resale certificates in the computer. Gail has me weeding out the pre-yr 2000 certs to get rid of customers we haven't done business with for a long time. It's A LOT of files. They have been in business since 1950 something. It has taken me months just to get to the S's. Of course I'm usually invoicing on that computer so I don't get to do the resale cert project very often either. Interesting, yes? NO? Well, don't feel bad, I tend to agree. But it IS my job lol

Larry died today. Larry was the last of my three goldfish that I acquired after Paragon the baby alligator died. Paragon belonged to Joe when we lived in the Raleigh house. The poor gator got a feeder fish stuck in  his gut and the bones from the fish punctured his stomach and he bled out. It was very sad but when he died, there were 3 feeder fish left in his tank, so I adopted them. God, I've had those three fish since like 2001 or something. It was Moe, Larry and Curly originally. Curly was the smaller of the three, and by far the most beautiful. He died pretty unexpectedly about 6 years ago. Never really knew why he died. Moe, the largest, died earlier this year, probably around March. He had some kind of problem with his eyes, where they ballooned out and made it hard for him to see. The Pet co people and the vet said there was nothing I could do for him, so I fed him well, and tried to make it comfortable for him until he passed. I know it's silly to say it that way, but I loved my fish.

I woke up this morning to get ready for work, and I usually go by the tank and check on the fish when I get up. Larry is old now, and I could tell over the last month that he was getting pretty sluggish and I worried about him, so I check in on him a lot. I still have two Siamese Algae eaters (Bonnie and Clyde) in the tank with Larry, and I saw them hanging out in their usual corner of the tank, but no Larry. I turned on the light and looked harder and could see Larry all cramped and twisted up in the Triceratops skull decoration I have in the tank. He was trapped. I thought maybe he was dead already cause he wasn't breathing. I had to reach in the tank and sent him free of it, and he started breathing right away in ragged breaths, and he free floated to the bottom and laid there for a few minutes, but he was breathing. When we left he was sorta moving around, but way more sluggish than I was comfortable with. I told Aaron when we got in the car that he might not make it. I was worried about him all day, and when we got home, sure enough, he was gone. I cried for a minute, and then I fished him out. Bonnie and Clyde are doing fine, and now I have to make a decision on whether or not to keep the tank at all. If I keep it, I'll have to go and buy some kind of fish, because the algae eaters need other fish in there to survive. I'll probably buy some fancy goldfish. If I decide to get rid of the whole thing, I'll take Bonnie and Clyde to Bob's Tropicals and give them to him to foster them out to another home. 

It sorta bombed out my day really. Not that I was in super high spirits to begin with when we got home, but it's like the end of an era you know? I've had those little guys for a long time. All of my pics are still trapped on the old pc, so I cant upload a bunch here yet, but I do have one:


The white one is Larry, and the orange one in the background is Moe. He is actually the larger of the two, but he just looks smaller because Larry is right in front of the camera.
I'm gonna miss my little guys.

I'm gonna go sleep. It's been a long day.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Live in the moment, never count on longevity

I had a pretty ok day. I was right that I would be alone in the office. Don was there off and on for part of the day, but he went out a few times to the bank and the post office. It was rather quiet throughout the day, but I had a lot of work to do, so I stayed pretty busy. And also pretty damned bored lol I had to work up the petty cash account for the Jackson branch, and I worked up a few sales orders, so yeah EXCITING. The one thing that kept me going today was my little MP3 player.

Since I have been in hermit stance for the last few weeks, I have picked up some pretty cool new music from a few different places on the web. I share a lot of them on my facebook page, if you know where to find that. I have been using that page as a bullshit posting ground for funny images and music, to try to keep myself in better spirits. A few weeks ago I had a falling out with someone close to me (and yet so far) that has pretty much killed my desire to talk or discuss pretty much anything beyond a few words. Facebook is full of shit anyways. I don't even personally know over half or the people I am friends with, and the ones I DID know are leading their own lives. I mean what do we have to talk about anymore? And the guys who want to pick up ladies on facebook, SERIOUSLY? It's honestly just skeevy to try and talk all hot and sexy to a girl on fucking facebook.

I'm just so tired of people's bullshit. I don't want to pretend anymore. I think I've grown bitter about life lately, and I need to change that for the better. I need to do something different. When I figure out what that is I'll let you know.

I think I'm gonna go sleep. You have the helm Number One.

you are SUCH a downer...

(Lost my grip and my vision gone dull)

I am back again after a long self absorbed hiatus. Who know how long this will last? I have gotten out of talking to myself too much because I hate to hear the voices in my head just ramble on. The dark side has taken hold for a while, and I have drowned myself in vodka and music too much lately, dumbing down the light inside so I can sit and feel sorry for myself. She would be angry with me if she knew how I felt inside, and how much I feed the sorrow in me. I miss her. I miss hearing her voice on my lunch break. All of the things I missed, and all the things we could have done or said, or learned from one another, all gone. What could have been haunts me forever. Another missed chance, another squandered opportunity. I tell myself that she understood me, when I don't even understand myself most of the time. It's all bullshit, and I know it.

but i still miss her
and memaw too
I like to think that they both watch me
but I know that's bullshit too

After her funeral, I lost all desire to create, until tonight. I came home after work and for the first time in two months, I felt the need to make something pretty. So I did.

Cane glass. With round and square silver spacer beads. I like it so much, I'm gonna wear it to work tomorrow. I think they'd both like it a lot.

I'm up too late and I'm probably alone in the office tomorrow, so I should go. Sorry I'm such a downer right now. Maybe you should go and read something happy to counter the downer on this page today. I'll be okay, eventually.