HEY I just wanna say...

I do not own many of the things I share and/or talk about on this website.
If I do own something, my ego will actually force me to make that clear to you,

I promise.

If and when I post images of my handmade jewelry here, just know that these are crappy webcam pics of them. Sharper and prettier images of the products will be posted to the River Rock Jewelry site later, when the item is ready for sale!

You should get the total Jenny experience
by listening to the music video at the top of each post
while reading my ramblings.

And do not let my eccentric, vulgar music throw you off,
I'm a actually a well-adjusted, happy person!


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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Let's play catchup

Wow. Seriously, wow. I have said before that I was done writing here, and I have had this turbulent on-again, off-again relationship with talking to myself on this blog. Hell I even went and made a new tumblr blog to start fresh, but I abandoned that shit too. So until this blog dies of starvation from the lack of my golden presence, I will continue to resurface and grace it with my everyday crazy bullshit.

I haven't posted anything since right after grandmother died. I didn't take it so well, and honestly I still think about it all the time. I've had a lot of nightmares... of the few moments before she died, when I felt she was trying to tell me something with her eyes, but she could no longer speak... Dreams about her calling me on the phone and begging me to make her pain stop... Dreams of her and Memaw whispering to me, and when I wake up I feel like there was some big secret thing I have forgotten that they told me, and it is dire that I remember. Sometimes I wake up and I look for them both because I could swear they were just in the room with me. I brought alot of her things home with me that they wanted us to have after she passed and sometimes I wake up, and look at the bedside table that used to be in her living room, and in my morning confusion think I'm there. It's been a weird transition.

After her funeral, my mother and brother were in town, and they came out to my house for a bit to visit, and we ended up sitting in my living room and having some drinks and looking thought all of these old pictures I've had forever, or some that I got from my dad, and laughing and joking and having a great time with one another. I can't remember ever having so much fun with them. It was the best night.

A week ago my grandfather moved to Florida to live with my mother, since he is unable to live alone anymore. After grandmother passed he lived in the house alone for a few weeks until he got another bladder infection and had to go into the hospital for a little over a week, due to dehydration and not taking his meds and such. He just wouldn't eat, or drink anything other than diet coke. Hell, I would go out there on the weekends and he would hide coke cans so I wouldn't tattle on him to my aunt Lisa, who was doing most of the daily visiting to check up on him. But she and I both work, and Lori has those kids, and Kristy is fighting cancer, so there just wasn't someone around all the time to stay with him.

He really was depressed for a while after the funeral. They were married 65 years, so can you blame him? So he stopped taking care of himself. Lisa would come in and make him something to eat, and he would eat a little and drink some milk, but when she left he wasn't doing anything for himself. So he ended up in the hospital. They checked on his that morning and went to work, and when they came back all of the doors were locked and he wouldn't come to the door, and she peeked in the window and saw him laid out in the floor. They had to break in, and called an ambulance. While they were on the way there he kept telling me aunt that he had been in the Covington hospital and that the nurses wouldn't feed him or give him anything to drink, and that the room was filled with sand and he sunk down into it and couldn't escape. (He has never been to that hospital) He also told her that he kept seeing my grandmother sitting next to her, or grandmothers head floating around him, angry at him. Once they got to the hospital, he kept saying the walls and the windows and the TV were wrapped in paper, and that there were people floating outside him 4th story room window rapping on the glass trying to get in. So they were very concerned about what was going on with him.

He has shown signs of forgetfulness or general confusion before but nothing that was as serious as this. Of course it could have been the dehydration, or a stroke, or even the prescription meds they had him on. Or he could have been having minor seizures, or it might have been due to toxin buildup. He had kidney problems before, and they weren't discounting anything. So for the first week it was awful. He freaked out a few times, and even cold clocked an orderly in the eye because they wouldn't let him out of bed. (He didn't believe me when I told him about it later, but when he did he was so upset and so very sorry) After a few days he was sorta in and out. He'd be there and then later he wouldn't be. He argued with my Aunt a lot, and even said some shocking things about blowing his brains out (which the nurses heard and got very upset about, and even after he got out of the hospital they put him under 24 hour surveillance.) And that is exactly why he went to live with my mother. Because he simply can't live alone anymore. Now that he is back to good (great even) health, mentally and physically, he still needs someone around to remind him of the pills or to eat, etc etc.

 I stayed with him on one weekend before he left, and he asked me how fair it was that he got left behind and didn't die with her. What do you say? I mean, I didnt have much of a dad growing up, and my step father didnt come along until much late in my life, so my grandfather was my father figure despite being mean and merciless to me most of my life. And even though I have been angry with him many times and sometimes not wanting to be around him, to watch him wither the way he did was really hard to see. But now that he is with my mother, he seems so much happier. He can't see or hear so well, so alot of things he could do for a hobby are out the window. He's bored alot and lets face it, there's only so much TV you can watch before you lose your mind. I really feel for him. I feel like he and I have connected in a way that we never did before, and now he is 9 hours from me with the rest of my immediate family. I wish I could talk Aaron into moving to Florida. He is close to my brother, and I'm glad for that. John always was Paw's golden child.

The big plus for me is that grandmother's grave site is within 5 minutes of my house, so I can go see her whenever I want. Paw asked me to keep flowers out there for her, and to make sure it's all nice and taken care of. I like to sit in the grass, next to her and my Aunt Barbara and talk to them. It's nice.

So many things are changing. Holidays will be so different now. My brother is getting married. Morgan had a kid!!! Life is getting interesting these days. Who knows? maybe I'll get married and have a kid myself lol

I been hanging out with Michelle alot lately. Well, as much as I could with everything going on. Right before it got cold, we had a yard sale together with her mom. Here's the setup I used:

But alot nicer looking of course. This was just the dry run I did in my living room.

Ive been crafting alot more lately, since I have been in hermit mode for a bit. Here's a couple of pics for you:

I know its upside down... SUE ME
I didn't make the bracelet, my friend Sofia Velazco did
but I made the necklace and earrings to match

Chain and washer earrings

I kept this one for myself lol

Jasper and wire

I gave these to Haley just for the hell of it


Tree of life

These will be for sale soon at the Ornamental Metal Museum

Pretty turquoise mix

And these are made from plastic containers I bought cake in at the grocery store.
I love youtube tutorials!!!

Most of these pictures are older and I can't take pics of the NEW new stuff cause my camera is busted. JOY. You can also see these and mant more at my River Rock Jewelry Facebook Fan Page. Man, thats a mouthful. Come Like us and tell me what you think!!!

It is time for me to sleep. I will talk so more (GOD FORBID) later on this weekend or something. OH and BTW, December 15th through the 25th I will be having a 25% off sale on my site, so if you need a last minute gift for that speical someone, head on over to the River Rock Jewelry store and see what goodies I have in stock!

< 3

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Lament to Larry the Goldfish

The above video is another random youtube find, and I think it's a real gem.

Don left a few times today so I was truly alone in the office for most of today. It was quiet so I cranked my little mp3 player and speaker up loud, and reorganized and looked up resale certificates in the computer. Gail has me weeding out the pre-yr 2000 certs to get rid of customers we haven't done business with for a long time. It's A LOT of files. They have been in business since 1950 something. It has taken me months just to get to the S's. Of course I'm usually invoicing on that computer so I don't get to do the resale cert project very often either. Interesting, yes? NO? Well, don't feel bad, I tend to agree. But it IS my job lol

Larry died today. Larry was the last of my three goldfish that I acquired after Paragon the baby alligator died. Paragon belonged to Joe when we lived in the Raleigh house. The poor gator got a feeder fish stuck in  his gut and the bones from the fish punctured his stomach and he bled out. It was very sad but when he died, there were 3 feeder fish left in his tank, so I adopted them. God, I've had those three fish since like 2001 or something. It was Moe, Larry and Curly originally. Curly was the smaller of the three, and by far the most beautiful. He died pretty unexpectedly about 6 years ago. Never really knew why he died. Moe, the largest, died earlier this year, probably around March. He had some kind of problem with his eyes, where they ballooned out and made it hard for him to see. The Pet co people and the vet said there was nothing I could do for him, so I fed him well, and tried to make it comfortable for him until he passed. I know it's silly to say it that way, but I loved my fish.

I woke up this morning to get ready for work, and I usually go by the tank and check on the fish when I get up. Larry is old now, and I could tell over the last month that he was getting pretty sluggish and I worried about him, so I check in on him a lot. I still have two Siamese Algae eaters (Bonnie and Clyde) in the tank with Larry, and I saw them hanging out in their usual corner of the tank, but no Larry. I turned on the light and looked harder and could see Larry all cramped and twisted up in the Triceratops skull decoration I have in the tank. He was trapped. I thought maybe he was dead already cause he wasn't breathing. I had to reach in the tank and sent him free of it, and he started breathing right away in ragged breaths, and he free floated to the bottom and laid there for a few minutes, but he was breathing. When we left he was sorta moving around, but way more sluggish than I was comfortable with. I told Aaron when we got in the car that he might not make it. I was worried about him all day, and when we got home, sure enough, he was gone. I cried for a minute, and then I fished him out. Bonnie and Clyde are doing fine, and now I have to make a decision on whether or not to keep the tank at all. If I keep it, I'll have to go and buy some kind of fish, because the algae eaters need other fish in there to survive. I'll probably buy some fancy goldfish. If I decide to get rid of the whole thing, I'll take Bonnie and Clyde to Bob's Tropicals and give them to him to foster them out to another home. 

It sorta bombed out my day really. Not that I was in super high spirits to begin with when we got home, but it's like the end of an era you know? I've had those little guys for a long time. All of my pics are still trapped on the old pc, so I cant upload a bunch here yet, but I do have one:


The white one is Larry, and the orange one in the background is Moe. He is actually the larger of the two, but he just looks smaller because Larry is right in front of the camera.
I'm gonna miss my little guys.

I'm gonna go sleep. It's been a long day.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Live in the moment, never count on longevity

I had a pretty ok day. I was right that I would be alone in the office. Don was there off and on for part of the day, but he went out a few times to the bank and the post office. It was rather quiet throughout the day, but I had a lot of work to do, so I stayed pretty busy. And also pretty damned bored lol I had to work up the petty cash account for the Jackson branch, and I worked up a few sales orders, so yeah EXCITING. The one thing that kept me going today was my little MP3 player.

Since I have been in hermit stance for the last few weeks, I have picked up some pretty cool new music from a few different places on the web. I share a lot of them on my facebook page, if you know where to find that. I have been using that page as a bullshit posting ground for funny images and music, to try to keep myself in better spirits. A few weeks ago I had a falling out with someone close to me (and yet so far) that has pretty much killed my desire to talk or discuss pretty much anything beyond a few words. Facebook is full of shit anyways. I don't even personally know over half or the people I am friends with, and the ones I DID know are leading their own lives. I mean what do we have to talk about anymore? And the guys who want to pick up ladies on facebook, SERIOUSLY? It's honestly just skeevy to try and talk all hot and sexy to a girl on fucking facebook.

I'm just so tired of people's bullshit. I don't want to pretend anymore. I think I've grown bitter about life lately, and I need to change that for the better. I need to do something different. When I figure out what that is I'll let you know.

I think I'm gonna go sleep. You have the helm Number One.

you are SUCH a downer...

(Lost my grip and my vision gone dull)

I am back again after a long self absorbed hiatus. Who know how long this will last? I have gotten out of talking to myself too much because I hate to hear the voices in my head just ramble on. The dark side has taken hold for a while, and I have drowned myself in vodka and music too much lately, dumbing down the light inside so I can sit and feel sorry for myself. She would be angry with me if she knew how I felt inside, and how much I feed the sorrow in me. I miss her. I miss hearing her voice on my lunch break. All of the things I missed, and all the things we could have done or said, or learned from one another, all gone. What could have been haunts me forever. Another missed chance, another squandered opportunity. I tell myself that she understood me, when I don't even understand myself most of the time. It's all bullshit, and I know it.

but i still miss her
and memaw too
I like to think that they both watch me
but I know that's bullshit too

After her funeral, I lost all desire to create, until tonight. I came home after work and for the first time in two months, I felt the need to make something pretty. So I did.

Cane glass. With round and square silver spacer beads. I like it so much, I'm gonna wear it to work tomorrow. I think they'd both like it a lot.

I'm up too late and I'm probably alone in the office tomorrow, so I should go. Sorry I'm such a downer right now. Maybe you should go and read something happy to counter the downer on this page today. I'll be okay, eventually.


Thursday, June 7, 2012

I lost someone dear to me

Wanda Morris died on Tuesday, June 5, 2012 at 945 am. I will miss her eternally. She understood me in ways I cannot express. Her wake is at 5 pm on Thursday the 7th. Her funeral will be be held on Friday June the 8th at 10am at the Family Funeral Care on Summer Avenue.

I cannot even talk about it at this point. I am too overwhelmed.


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

losing someone I love very much

(no music this time, in honor of my grandmother, 
who cherishes peace and quiet)

My grandmother has been in the hospital for like 3 weeks now. It started out as a cold, then turned into bronchitis, then became pneumonia. They admitted her with a good prognosis, I mean she had fluid on her lungs, but they seemed confident that she would be all right in the end. 

The bombarded the inflammation in her lungs with steroid treatments, and breathing treatments to help her get the oxygen she desperately needed. Her oxygen saturation was fluctuating but it seemed ok. She was tired a lot from coughing, but it was coming up and she seemed to be getting a little better. Then they told us that her kidneys weren't doing so well, so they discontinued the steroids, and she even told me she felt better after that.

The next day was a different story. Her kidneys weren't waking up and doing their job, so they talked about dialysis to hopefully kick start them running again. But the dialysis didn't do it's job, and she took several treatments that week, the didn't seem to do anything for her except exhaust her. She stopped eating. I got her to eat a little fruit, and drink a little tea, but she couldn't even look at the food let alone eat it. 

She was getting worse and it seemed no matter what was done, she felt worse each day. She even looked it. Each day I've seen her, she looks weaker and weaker. She couldn't talk for even a few seconds without being out of breath. They took her up to the ICU unit to keep a better watch on her they said, but it was obvious that things were progressing faster. The doctors talked about how she might surprise them and be ok, but things were looking worse with each day. Best case scenario they said was she would be on dialysis and oxygen from here on out. Worst case, she wouldn't leave the hospital alive. It was hard to swallow but we hoped she would push through and get better.

Suddenly on Saturday, her blood pressure dropped. They had put her on a ventilator with constant oxygen feeding through a mask (which dried up and burned her face) and eventually a nose fed respirator, but she keeps breathing through her mouth. She says it feels like she can't get a breath if she doesn't breathe through her mouth as well as her nose.

They told us on Sunday that she was dying. They moved her from the ICU to another room on the fourth floor. We knew what was coming next. There was nothing left to do but let her go. They have stopped all medications, all insulin regiments, even the IV nutrients she needs from the lack of food. It is all about making her as comfortable as possible until the inevitable happens. 

I went in today after work, and she could barely keep her eyes open, let alone speak. She is drifting in and out of consciousness, and was in pain and nauseous. She almost got sick several times, and they eventually came in later after everyone left and it was just me and Aunt Lisa, and gave her something for it. They have also started pushing IV morphine to help with the pain.

I tried so hard not to cry in front of her. I tried so hard to be rock hard and just be there for her tonight. I did cry for a long time after I watched my mother cry while holding her hand. My mother NEVER cries, and when she did today, it was immediate surrender on my part to the emotions I have held back for days now. 

My grandfather told my brother the other day that not only is he losing his wife, but he is losing his best friend. They have been married for 65 years, and I can't imagine what he is going through on the inside. I really do feel bad for my mother and Aunt Lisa as well. They lost a sister this year, and now they are losing their mother.

Lisa is sleeping there tonight, and I will go in at 7 the morning and let her go home and shower so she can work. I took the day off, and I want to stay there with her as long as I can. IF she survives the night, it might be the last time I get to spend with her.

If she does go in her sleep tonight, I hope it is peacefully, and not painfully or in confusion.


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

another taste of heavenly rush

OR if you want to see the lyrics or hear the full studio version,
(which is prettier in my opinion)

Every day, all day and night, this song is in the back of my head. Ever since the first time I heard it, I have swelled up with emotion. Each and every time I hear it, I just want to cry. That it is the kind of effect her voice has on me. Coupled with the strings and orchestra and choir in the back, I feel overwhelmed by sadness, and anger, and also hope and faith. It has all of my favorite things in it. A powerful yet beautiful female voice, strings, piano, a synthesizer, a swelling choir, a sweeping march, even 80's sound effects (lol)...the ups and downs of the song give me goosebumps each time. The lyrics even speak to me in a personal way that I am not willing to share with you. :p 

How is it that this song, or more to the point, this type of music can do this to me?

Truth be told, I am FITS over the release of this movie. The day cannot get here fast enough for me. It's one of my favorite fairy tales, and this dark turn they have put on it speaks to me much like the dark fantasies of my childhood. I have purposely NOT watched a lot of the release videos and behind the scenes stuff cause I want it to all be new and exciting when I finally do see it. I might just crawl my hermit ass out of my door and actually GO to a movie theater and see it. I rarely do that, even for something I might like.  We shall see if it lives up to my expectations.

What have I been doing lately you ask? Well, as usual, I have been making jewelry. NO you cannot see it yet, I'm not ready. But when you do, you'll like it, I promise. I also have been branching even further out into recycled accessories. It has been very fulfilling for me to come up with these wearable items that otherwise would have been thrown away and wasted. 

I have tried to stay away from my grandmother this week (who is in the hospital with pneumonia) because I have had what FELT like strep, but ended up being a bad head cold. That's the last thing she needs is my sick ass coming in there and making her worse. I do worry about her a lot. She seemed so weak and just tired of trying.  It scares me, but I try and think instead about how she makes me laugh, and how her smile lights up her whole face. How no matter how lonely I feel, she still talks to me (even though she doesn't like to talk) and makes me feel good about everything.

I love you Grandmother.

Now that I am fitfully crying, I think it's time to go for now.

p.s. Here's another song that pulls at my heart, and reminds me of things that can't be undone.


Sunday, May 6, 2012

I think I'm coming down

I am slowly catching up with people, places, things, and websites (including this one!) that I have let go for a while. It is hard to stay focused on more that one major project at a time, and when I try, all of the small things really suffer.

In fact, Haley and I met up with Thomas and Ashley at Ryu Sushi Bar on Summer for dinner tonight. I love eating there so that was a bonus, but I hadn't seen either of them for like 2 years at least so that was awesome. I told them that we should do it again really soon, and I meant it. I also told Ashley to come by anytime, even with the baby. She wanted to look at some jewelry, so we can just sit in the floor with Hendrix and make her something, and close the door so we don't have to worry about Yaya with the baby. ( I know that Yaya wouldn't hurt him, but I don't wanna chance an accident)

I miss my friends. A LOT. I miss having people to chat with on the regular. I got so used to living in a house with a bunch of people, that now that we live out on our own I feel lonely all the time. Haley is not into the crafting, and lives far out in Tipton county that she doesn't come over very much. Even on the weekends. Aaron is not interested in crafting much either. OR art for that matter really. It is also hard to meet new people. My mother suggested trying to invite over people from the Metal Museum, but I'm terrified they will get over here and realize that I'm not as creative as they are. My ego can't take the bruising right now. I wish my mother lived here, or I lived in Florida near her. We could sit and make stuff all day. Sew something, make pottery, string some beads, make something good to eat and just talk.

Anyways, I need another drink. Call me or something. I miss hearing your voice.


Saturday, April 28, 2012

Man, it is hard to stay focused on everything I have going on right now. The blog, unfortunately has suffered for it. I did promise more pictures of what I have been up to so here they are:

Fabric bracelets! So cute!

resin and glass

blue glass

blue glass GLOWS

mini glass cubes

what a pretty rosary

blue glass mix seed beads

sold as a set

transistors and clay beads

resistors and transistors


mixed electrical parts

dainty hanging resistors

crackled green glass and purple swirl triple wrap
(this belongs to Misty now)

buttons buttons buttons!!!

watch parts encased in resin

screw nuts and hemp wrap

Another reversible tree of life pendant
(with REAL Mississippi river rocks!)

pretty refurbished piece

resin and hematite cubes with silver toggle clasp

I am working on lots of other projects at the moment too. I have been working with the Ornamental Metal Museum downtown and selling items out of their gift shop. I will probably accept an internship with them later this year. (If they'll have me lol)

My mother and I are doing the Cooper Young festival later this year in September. I will also be at the Millington flea market off and in until then. (As soon as they will have me too lol)

I will keep updating as I go. There are more images on Haley's camera that I have to get off before I can show you. 

OH and btw. 
Busy, but lonely.

I have to take a shower or I'd stay and talk some more.


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

VERY quick post

I know it has been a long time, but instead of talking too much as usual, I will show you what I have been doing.

These are real Mississippi river rocks wrapped in wire.

Be back soon with more!!!

I just got home from work and I need to eat lol