Wow. Seriously, wow. I have said before that I was done writing here, and I have had this turbulent on-again, off-again relationship with talking to myself on this blog. Hell I even went and made a new tumblr blog to start fresh, but I abandoned that shit too. So until this blog dies of starvation from the lack of my golden presence, I will continue to resurface and grace it with my everyday crazy bullshit.
I haven't posted anything since right after grandmother died. I didn't take it so well, and honestly I still think about it all the time. I've had a lot of nightmares... of the few moments before she died, when I felt she was trying to tell me something with her eyes, but she could no longer speak... Dreams about her calling me on the phone and begging me to make her pain stop... Dreams of her and Memaw whispering to me, and when I wake up I feel like there was some big secret thing I have forgotten that they told me, and it is dire that I remember. Sometimes I wake up and I look for them both because I could swear they were just in the room with me. I brought alot of her things home with me that they wanted us to have after she passed and sometimes I wake up, and look at the bedside table that used to be in her living room, and in my morning confusion think I'm there. It's been a weird transition.
After her funeral, my mother and brother were in town, and they came out to my house for a bit to visit, and we ended up sitting in my living room and having some drinks and looking thought all of these old pictures I've had forever, or some that I got from my dad, and laughing and joking and having a great time with one another. I can't remember ever having so much fun with them. It was the best night.
A week ago my grandfather moved to Florida to live with my mother, since he is unable to live alone anymore. After grandmother passed he lived in the house alone for a few weeks until he got another bladder infection and had to go into the hospital for a little over a week, due to dehydration and not taking his meds and such. He just wouldn't eat, or drink anything other than diet coke. Hell, I would go out there on the weekends and he would hide coke cans so I wouldn't tattle on him to my aunt Lisa, who was doing most of the daily visiting to check up on him. But she and I both work, and Lori has those kids, and Kristy is fighting cancer, so there just wasn't someone around all the time to stay with him.
He really was depressed for a while after the funeral. They were married 65 years, so can you blame him? So he stopped taking care of himself. Lisa would come in and make him something to eat, and he would eat a little and drink some milk, but when she left he wasn't doing anything for himself. So he ended up in the hospital. They checked on his that morning and went to work, and when they came back all of the doors were locked and he wouldn't come to the door, and she peeked in the window and saw him laid out in the floor. They had to break in, and called an ambulance. While they were on the way there he kept telling me aunt that he had been in the Covington hospital and that the nurses wouldn't feed him or give him anything to drink, and that the room was filled with sand and he sunk down into it and couldn't escape. (He has never been to that hospital) He also told her that he kept seeing my grandmother sitting next to her, or grandmothers head floating around him, angry at him. Once they got to the hospital, he kept saying the walls and the windows and the TV were wrapped in paper, and that there were people floating outside him 4th story room window rapping on the glass trying to get in. So they were very concerned about what was going on with him.
He has shown signs of forgetfulness or general confusion before but nothing that was as serious as this. Of course it could have been the dehydration, or a stroke, or even the prescription meds they had him on. Or he could have been having minor seizures, or it might have been due to toxin buildup. He had kidney problems before, and they weren't discounting anything. So for the first week it was awful. He freaked out a few times, and even cold clocked an orderly in the eye because they wouldn't let him out of bed. (He didn't believe me when I told him about it later, but when he did he was so upset and so very sorry) After a few days he was sorta in and out. He'd be there and then later he wouldn't be. He argued with my Aunt a lot, and even said some shocking things about blowing his brains out (which the nurses heard and got very upset about, and even after he got out of the hospital they put him under 24 hour surveillance.) And that is exactly why he went to live with my mother. Because he simply can't live alone anymore. Now that he is back to good (great even) health, mentally and physically, he still needs someone around to remind him of the pills or to eat, etc etc.
I stayed with him on one weekend before he left, and he asked me how fair it was that he got left behind and didn't die with her. What do you say? I mean, I didnt have much of a dad growing up, and my step father didnt come along until much late in my life, so my grandfather was my father figure despite being mean and merciless to me most of my life. And even though I have been angry with him many times and sometimes not wanting to be around him, to watch him wither the way he did was really hard to see. But now that he is with my mother, he seems so much happier. He can't see or hear so well, so alot of things he could do for a hobby are out the window. He's bored alot and lets face it, there's only so much TV you can watch before you lose your mind. I really feel for him. I feel like he and I have connected in a way that we never did before, and now he is 9 hours from me with the rest of my immediate family. I wish I could talk Aaron into moving to Florida. He is close to my brother, and I'm glad for that. John always was Paw's golden child.
The big plus for me is that grandmother's grave site is within 5 minutes of my house, so I can go see her whenever I want. Paw asked me to keep flowers out there for her, and to make sure it's all nice and taken care of. I like to sit in the grass, next to her and my Aunt Barbara and talk to them. It's nice.
So many things are changing. Holidays will be so different now. My brother is getting married. Morgan had a kid!!! Life is getting interesting these days. Who knows? maybe I'll get married and have a kid myself lol
I been hanging out with Michelle alot lately. Well, as much as I could with everything going on. Right before it got cold, we had a yard sale together with her mom. Here's the setup I used:
But alot nicer looking of course. This was just the dry run I did in my living room.
Ive been crafting alot more lately, since I have been in hermit mode for a bit. Here's a couple of pics for you:
I know its upside down... SUE ME
I didn't make the bracelet, my friend Sofia Velazco did
over at Go Green Jewelry
but I made the necklace and earrings to match
Chain and washer earrings
I kept this one for myself lol
Jasper and wire
I gave these to Haley just for the hell of it
Tree of life
These will be for sale soon at the Ornamental Metal Museum
Pretty turquoise mix
And these are made from plastic containers I bought cake in at the grocery store.
I love youtube tutorials!!!
Most of these pictures are older and I can't take pics of the NEW new stuff cause my camera is busted. JOY. You can also see these and mant more at my River Rock Jewelry Facebook Fan Page. Man, thats a mouthful. Come Like us and tell me what you think!!!
It is time for me to sleep. I will talk so more (GOD FORBID) later on this weekend or something. OH and BTW, December 15th through the 25th I will be having a 25% off sale on my site, so if you need a last minute gift for that speical someone, head on over to the River Rock Jewelry store and see what goodies I have in stock!