Sunday, February 27, 2011

the inevitabilies in life

(I love FLCL, and I love this song)

Well I guess it was inevitable that I was gonna go to the hospital. Yesterday my leg got much worse, and I ended up in the emergency room instead of going to work. It was HUGE by the time I got there, and the pressure that had built up in my leg from the infection was KILLING me. I tried to go to work first though, and had so much trouble getting into and out of my car I called my mother to reinforce what I was already thinking, which was get to the E.R. NOW. I walked in the back door of work, breathing hard and wincing the whole way, and I told Morgan that I needed to go, that I HAD to go. He said it was fine, that they'd be ok without me there, but he never once looked me in the eyes, or even in my general direction. Honestly, I think he hates me, and at that moment I really didn't care. My whole body was screaming for relief. I had a 100.6 fever, and in frustration at the situation, I cried all of the way back into the car. I cried so hard that I had to pull over because I couldn't see at one point.

I went to Methodist north by my house, because I was afraid that I might not be able to get home easily once they had worked on me. I didn't have to wait long, there was barely anyone in the ER. That was a big relief. It was pretty embarrassing to sit the way had to sit to not feel constant piercing pain. They had to get me all checked in and once I was settled in my little gown and stopped crying long enough for them to drill me about my medical history and such, Aaron showed up and gave me a hand to squeeze while they cut my leg open and got the infection out. It was a lot of fluid: blood and a pus that smelled absolutely horrible. I was so embarrassed about the smell and the sight of the infection, and the nurse made me feel so much better about it. He didn't say that it was common or anything because it really isn't common at all, but he did tell me that this wasn't the first abscess he'd seen and that it could have been much worse if I had waited much longer to come in and get it taken care of. He stressed to me that since I am prone to this sort of thing, that I should never wait to come in and get checked out. They told me that it was probably just bacterial but that I should be very careful because it could easily turn septic and kill me. Because it's the ER and not an actual doctor's office, they couldn't tell me much about the why of it, but they did ask me to get a regular doctor and go to have  blood work done to be sure that the infection isn't still somewhere else in my body, steadily infecting me from time to time. They gave me oxycodone for pain, and doxycycline for an antibiotic, and sent me home.

The whole experience was exhausting, so I took my pills and passed slap out for a few hours. When I woke up the swelling had gone down quite a bit, and today it's even smaller, but it still hurts like hell. Aaron is my rock, and I couldn't have done it so bravely without him. I thank God that I have him in my life. He took the whole day off from work to take care of me. I love that man so much.

Today I feel better, but I am still not able to move freely without pain. I limped all night at work during my short 4 hour shift, and ended up taking a half of a pain pill just to be able to do my job. Thank God it was a night shift because I was slightly loopy from that little pill. Carrie and Arionna really made me feel better about it. They helped me all night, and even did a lot of things for me.

I love you all and I want to thank you
for being there for me when I needed you.
I'm off to watch something to relax and then I'm off to bed.
These little pills are kicking my butt.

<3

Friday, February 25, 2011

Deja vu... again?!?!?



I took this picture earlier today, and within just a few hours a small area on the inside of my left leg began to hurt pretty badly. It seems like a blood vessel popped inside my leg and has left a pocket there that feels like it is full of blood or something. This has actually happened to me before, about 3 years ago. It turned out to be an infection inside my right leg. We had to excise it and drain it. It was so painful, and almost my entire right thigh was purple by the time we made it to the hospital. I'm hoping that this is not the same thing, but it's starting to look like it is. Its inflamed and hot to the touch. The tissue around it is swollen and tender. I have to open in the morning at work, and I think if this gets much worse I'll try to get into the doctor. The pain is already so bad it's hard to walk without limping to avoid pain. I also have a fever of 99.4, which is usually a sure sign of some sort of infection. WHY does this keep happening to me? It's starting to worry me that there is more infection somewhere else in my body that is spreading to other places and settling in. I've always been pretty prone to infection, but it's not like I wounded myself there and it got infected. I just woke up and it was there.I'm worried about the money too. We simply cannot afford another hospital visit right now.

To top it all off, I had nightmare after nightmare last night. I can't remember everything about each of them, but I woke up a lot of times, and woke up this morning feeling like I hadn't slept at all. Maybe the infection had something to do with it, I dunno. Maybe it was something I ate. Maybe I've just been really stressed and thinking too much about my internships coming up. I worry that I might not pass one test in particular. I mean I LIVE in it, and I've failed like that before. God please, PLEASE. I can't go through that kind of humiliation again, and lose my chance at a good career. I need this. And I don't want to let Aaron down. Or my family, but especially my mother. She is so proud of me, and I don't want to see that look of disappointment in her eyes anymore.

I'm gonna try to sleep, and hope I don't wake up with a purple inner left thigh.

<3

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

a sneak peek just for you



I worked for a little while tonight on making some new stuff, 
and here is a few for your viewing pleasure!


All of these I made today. I have many many more put in a box waiting on me to finally upload them to the website. Most of these pieces are unique, meaning one of a kind, and no I'm not able to recreate them all. I'm not a mass production line, I'm an ARTIST! lol Some of these I'm having a bit of trouble letting go. It happens all of the time. As I'm making something I think to myself, "Someone is going to love this." But then when I'm done I try it on, and I think "Yeah, that person is ME!" lol

The one that I probably will end up keeping is the one I been wearing all week, because I love it so freaking much. How do you like these apples:



If you notice in the very top image in this post, I did actually make something VERY close to this one for a custom order for a girl in one of my classes. Aren't they pretty?

I've had several custom orders come out really nicely too this week. I am working on one in particular that is made from French beads, with gold filament all over the design. It's gonna be really elegant when it is finished.


If you have a custom order put in with me, I will be contacting you soon for delivery. If you want a custom piece from me, you need to get with me VERY soon. I will be taking a break from my business again as soon as my internship starts. I will not be accepting orders after the 12th of March.

I took Aaron's mother to the car rental place today, and she ended up with the last car on the lot. A Ford Fiesta. Aaron was SO jealous. He likes those little cars, and I must admit it was quite nice. Maybe I'll get him one when I get some money eventually. haha

Anyhoo, I'm off to bed soon,
I just wanted to share some pretties with you all.
Have a great night, or day or whatever time it is
where you are right here and now. lol

<3

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Mock Turtle! Get it? it's an Alice in Wonderland referance!


I slept in really late today, so I'm having trouble sleeping again. I knew I should have gotten up when the alarm clock went off the first time, but I thought to myself "I'm off today, and this bed feels really good, so to heck with it!" First time I've gotten to sleep in till I wanted to for weeks.

Today several things happened. I went to Wal-mart this afternoon and bought way too much stuff. Found some really cute and cheap beads, a nice new shirt, and bought groceries to make stuffed meatloaf for dinner tonight. It didn't really go as planned, I got distracted AS USUAL in Wal-mart by all the shiny things I wanted. So I was running late, and I almost missed Haley leaving the house. I need to get her a new key so she can get inside when things like this happen. Hell, I should have done that at Wal-mart!

She and I had a drink or two while I sauteed the onions, celery, and mushrooms. Them I mixed that with chopped spinach and mozzarella cheese. Instead of making a loaf of the meatloaf mix (however you like to make yours) you just spread it out in a flat rectangle and put the spinach mix lumped up along one end of the rectangle. Then you roll up the meatloaf over the spinach mix and shape it much like a Swiss roll. Pinch the ends to seal it all in, cook on 350 for about an hour, and SHAZZAM you got the best thing EVAR. I was gonna do homemade mashed potatoes, but I was behind schedule and I had already gotten green beans and croissants as sides too, so that was plenty of food. It was freaking awesome.

Halfway through cooking dinner, Aaron called and said he was gonna be late. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was gonna go with his mom to the hospital. My heart jumped, because I worry about her a lot, she just beat cancer off with her big stick of fortitude, and is currently battling diabetes complications.They told her earlier this week that she can't have gluten anymore, and I don't know if you're aware, but its in EVERYTHING. So she keeps sending us all of her evil gluten and sugar filled groceries. lol

The reason she had to go to the hospital was, some guy in a freaking tow truck ran a red light and she hit him, which is pretty lucky cause if he had hit her in that huge thing she might not have been quite so lucky. It completely totaled her car, but she got away with just some bruises and a painful injury to her wrist. I was so relieved to hear that she is okay. Aaron might not show it but he worries about her a lot. He loves his mother.

Haley and I talked for a long time tonight, and I love that. We talk so much more now than we used to, and I feel like these talks are more personal and meaningful than ever. That makes me feel good that we are closer. I love that woman. We also talked about thing less personal, like her joining that new guild, Bastion of Light. I think she will really like it. She is excited to get to do some bigger group stuff, but she hasn't been able to decide which character to take to the guild. I hope that this gives her the lotro revival she has been looking for.

After she left, I did some laundry and logged in myself to the game. I wanted to get some epic quests done for my lore-master so that I can get and use cosmetic pets, like the turtle. I spend over an hour with Aaron trying to get these quests done. We could not finish the last quest, and we tried it several times. It is an escort mission that is timed, and we always ended up a few seconds short of the finish line. I got so frustrated that I put in a CS ticket right about the time Aaron went to bed. Within minutes, a dev  IMed me. He asked me to clarify the situation and then as he watched me from his magic dev control whatevertheyuse, I attempted the quest again. When I came up about 6 seconds short, he said that unfortunately he could not hit a magic button to fix the quest, or advance me without completing that quest, he would put in a report about it suggesting the quest timer be raised. He was a very nice guy. I told him that I was determined to get it, and that I was gonna keep trying till I did. He suggested getting someone to escort me as well, eliminating enemies that might attack me on the way, and I told him that my fiance already did that and we still failed. The dev apologized and seemed genuinely concerned about my plight. He told me again he would report it, and we went our separate ways. I attempted the ques one last time before bed, and sure enough, just as my luck would have it, I completed the quest with literally one second to spare. HAHA So I got my turtle, and also got a bunny, and I already had the squirrel. YAY I named the turtle Mock. the bunny WhiteRabbit, and the squirrel is DangerSquirrel.
Inside joke! Ask Haley. lol

Oh and the day before yesterday Aaron, Yaya, and I walked 3 miles down the Wolf River - Kennedy Park nature trail. It's so pretty this time of year. Things are just starting to grow because of the sorta/kinda off and on winter we have had this year. And there are no bugs yet! I did find one tick on me, but you gotta expect that sorta thing in the woods! It was a lot of fun and Yaya came home and flopped down on the couch and slept for most of the afternoon. She got really hot for a while out there, but she just gets so excited the first few times we go out after winter. She hates the cold, and wont go to the park with me until its warm enough. Well I mean she goes but she always wants back in the car within a few minutes.lol She's just not built for the cold. It just made me so happy to see her so excited.
I love that dog. She always brings light to my day.

Feeling accomplished, I am off to bed.
I must work in the morn.

<3

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Much to do about nothing... and everything!!!


FINALS ARE DONE FOR THE TERM!
Thank you Lord.

I did pretty well actually. In my math class I got a 100, and in my pharm 2 class I got a 97. So overall, I kicked this term's butt! lol I'm not sure if it's totally official (mostly because all grades had not come in at the point I found this out) that I'm at the top of the class now, with a big fat 3.79 GPA! But now is not the time to relax and enjoy my little victory. March 21st will be the first day of my retail internship, so I guess I get a little while to play, but then I have to get my game face on. Chris tells me not to worry. I'll be at CVS pharmacy and he says the people are very nice there and that I shouldn't be nervous, but I totally am lol. It's a big step, and a fast one at that. We have to cover a lot of material in 120 hours of free work. Then I get to do it all over again in a hospital internship. lol I joke, but I am really excited to get started though. I want to start work as soon as I can.

That head of my department in school also told me that she thinks I should go ahead and take the state certification test. She thinks I am ready, and that I should give it a shot. I on the other hand am not quite so sure. My weakest point is knowing generics and brands. I'm good at the how and why of drugs, I'm horrible with straight memorization of words. It's why I'm so bad with names. Slow recall skills. Hopefully the lab pc will like me and tell me what I need to know. And there's always the handy dandy book. lol I think I will get through at least one of these internships before I push myself any harder.

We joined a new guild in lotro. They are called Bastion of Light.  They are basically ACT, but Tolkein style. hah Aaron is really into it, I've only really gotten to know the guild leader and his right hand woman. She is my age, he is slightly older. Both are very nice and talk alot, like me!!! I really like them, and hope this is something that lasts. Aaron is just so much happier, I want it to be a great experience for him, like ACT was for me. Star is another person I wish this for. I guess she always saw them as MY guild, she didn't get into it. And I'm afraid she thinks that about this too. Aaron's guild. I just want it to be our guild. I want her to have fun again.

So alot has happened in the last month. I got my teeth fixed first. I already talked about all of that before. I still have discomfort when I attempt to eat anything. No pain anymore though, and that's a serious blessing. My sinuses went haywire through this whole experience. I had the worst headache I've ever had for literally 5 freaking days after the surgery. And to top it all off, right after I was done with the antibiotic treatment I got a bad head cold, possibly from my roommates or my mother. More headaches ensued, and I was pissy for over two weeks. I'm sure Aaron wanted to strangle me at several points. I'm still getting over this one, it really took a toll on my body. Vitamins and lots of water are my only medications right now.

Mom was actually in town because my aunt Barbara passed away in late January. It was a very beautiful and touching funeral. I actually had prepared a funny little speech, but I didn't have a chance to say it. I wrote it mostly for my family, so they could remember the good times with my aunt Barbara. This whole experience was horrible for my family. She had been battling cancer for a long time, and things turned for the worse very suddenly. She was here one week, and then the next she was gone. But all she ever wanted for us was to be happy. She told me that about a month or so before she died. She didn't want us to be sad or feel sorry for her. She wanted us to grasp the good things in our lives and cherish them. She wanted us to be closer as a family, and to love and be there for one another. She was such a great person, and I will miss the hell out of her.


I am off tomorrow, but I have alot to do! I have like 10 custom jewelry orders to fill. I've already started a few, but haven't finished any because I'm not satisfied with them yet. haha I also need to fix my work pants. They are falling apart, and I'm cheap so I refuse to buy another pair. I have to get all of the new pics off of Star's camera so I can upload all of the new items! I have so much pretty glass pieces to show!

But for now, I am off to bed. Gnite sweet peoples.

<3

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

my poor face


Love this song... not so fond of the video.

Well, I had my final oral surgery on Monday. They took out all of the rest of my top teeth, and gave me my new fake teeth. lol MAN is this the weirdest thing ever. I only have a top denture, so the feeling of fake against real is unnerving, to say the least. They also don't texturize the top of the mouth so its smooth plastic there against my tongue so that's a little strange, but at least I don't have severe sensitivity to hot and cold anymore. No, I just get to deal with the pain of having 6 front teeth taken out at once. Literally my whole face from my eyes to the bottom of my jaw hurts, and my face is swollen, so I looked like a freaking chipmunk. 


This is after anti inflammatory meds, ice packs for hours, and two days of healing. You shoulda seen me the day of the surgery, it was funny as hell.

They had given my hyrocodone for the pain, but I could not handle that stuff anymore. It didn't make me itch, just very suddenly sick to my stomach for hours on end. I switched to an OTC med so that I can keep food down, plus I have to work tomorrow, school all day Thursday, and then a double on Friday so I don't have time to be messed up on pain meds.

It feels REALLY weird, and people keep staring at me, so this will take some getting used to. I'm having the learn how to talk again, like I did when I got that stupid tongue ring, but this thing covers the whole inside of my upper mouth so it's worse. I haven't bitten my tongue yet so that's a plus, but it is in there so that as my mouth heals and the gum recedes, it will heal in the shape of the denture hopefully. This will literally take months to get used to.



Aaron says it makes me look younger.
So what, I look 15 again?
Man I wish.

They sure are pretty to be so damned painful

Oh and P.S.,
STOP STARING, IT'S RUDE!
Unless you're gonna tell me how pretty I look now.
Then staring would be acceptable.
LOL