Friday, February 25, 2011

Deja vu... again?!?!?



I took this picture earlier today, and within just a few hours a small area on the inside of my left leg began to hurt pretty badly. It seems like a blood vessel popped inside my leg and has left a pocket there that feels like it is full of blood or something. This has actually happened to me before, about 3 years ago. It turned out to be an infection inside my right leg. We had to excise it and drain it. It was so painful, and almost my entire right thigh was purple by the time we made it to the hospital. I'm hoping that this is not the same thing, but it's starting to look like it is. Its inflamed and hot to the touch. The tissue around it is swollen and tender. I have to open in the morning at work, and I think if this gets much worse I'll try to get into the doctor. The pain is already so bad it's hard to walk without limping to avoid pain. I also have a fever of 99.4, which is usually a sure sign of some sort of infection. WHY does this keep happening to me? It's starting to worry me that there is more infection somewhere else in my body that is spreading to other places and settling in. I've always been pretty prone to infection, but it's not like I wounded myself there and it got infected. I just woke up and it was there.I'm worried about the money too. We simply cannot afford another hospital visit right now.

To top it all off, I had nightmare after nightmare last night. I can't remember everything about each of them, but I woke up a lot of times, and woke up this morning feeling like I hadn't slept at all. Maybe the infection had something to do with it, I dunno. Maybe it was something I ate. Maybe I've just been really stressed and thinking too much about my internships coming up. I worry that I might not pass one test in particular. I mean I LIVE in it, and I've failed like that before. God please, PLEASE. I can't go through that kind of humiliation again, and lose my chance at a good career. I need this. And I don't want to let Aaron down. Or my family, but especially my mother. She is so proud of me, and I don't want to see that look of disappointment in her eyes anymore.

I'm gonna try to sleep, and hope I don't wake up with a purple inner left thigh.

<3

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please remember, I can kill you with the power of my mind, so be nice!