Let's play catchup

Wow. Seriously, wow. I have said before that I was done writing here, and I have had this turbulent on-again, off-again relationship with talking to myself on this blog. Hell I even went and made a new tumblr blog to start fresh, but I abandoned that shit too. So until this blog dies of starvation from the lack of my golden presence, I will continue to resurface and grace it with my everyday crazy bullshit.

I haven't posted anything since right after grandmother died. I didn't take it so well, and honestly I still think about it all the time. I've had a lot of nightmares... of the few moments before she died, when I felt she was trying to tell me something with her eyes, but she could no longer speak... Dreams about her calling me on the phone and begging me to make her pain stop... Dreams of her and Memaw whispering to me, and when I wake up I feel like there was some big secret thing I have forgotten that they told me, and it is dire that I remember. Sometimes I wake up and I look for them both because I could swear they were just in the room with me. I brought alot of her things home with me that they wanted us to have after she passed and sometimes I wake up, and look at the bedside table that used to be in her living room, and in my morning confusion think I'm there. It's been a weird transition.

After her funeral, my mother and brother were in town, and they came out to my house for a bit to visit, and we ended up sitting in my living room and having some drinks and looking thought all of these old pictures I've had forever, or some that I got from my dad, and laughing and joking and having a great time with one another. I can't remember ever having so much fun with them. It was the best night.

A week ago my grandfather moved to Florida to live with my mother, since he is unable to live alone anymore. After grandmother passed he lived in the house alone for a few weeks until he got another bladder infection and had to go into the hospital for a little over a week, due to dehydration and not taking his meds and such. He just wouldn't eat, or drink anything other than diet coke. Hell, I would go out there on the weekends and he would hide coke cans so I wouldn't tattle on him to my aunt Lisa, who was doing most of the daily visiting to check up on him. But she and I both work, and Lori has those kids, and Kristy is fighting cancer, so there just wasn't someone around all the time to stay with him.

He really was depressed for a while after the funeral. They were married 65 years, so can you blame him? So he stopped taking care of himself. Lisa would come in and make him something to eat, and he would eat a little and drink some milk, but when she left he wasn't doing anything for himself. So he ended up in the hospital. They checked on his that morning and went to work, and when they came back all of the doors were locked and he wouldn't come to the door, and she peeked in the window and saw him laid out in the floor. They had to break in, and called an ambulance. While they were on the way there he kept telling me aunt that he had been in the Covington hospital and that the nurses wouldn't feed him or give him anything to drink, and that the room was filled with sand and he sunk down into it and couldn't escape. (He has never been to that hospital) He also told her that he kept seeing my grandmother sitting next to her, or grandmothers head floating around him, angry at him. Once they got to the hospital, he kept saying the walls and the windows and the TV were wrapped in paper, and that there were people floating outside him 4th story room window rapping on the glass trying to get in. So they were very concerned about what was going on with him.

He has shown signs of forgetfulness or general confusion before but nothing that was as serious as this. Of course it could have been the dehydration, or a stroke, or even the prescription meds they had him on. Or he could have been having minor seizures, or it might have been due to toxin buildup. He had kidney problems before, and they weren't discounting anything. So for the first week it was awful. He freaked out a few times, and even cold clocked an orderly in the eye because they wouldn't let him out of bed. (He didn't believe me when I told him about it later, but when he did he was so upset and so very sorry) After a few days he was sorta in and out. He'd be there and then later he wouldn't be. He argued with my Aunt a lot, and even said some shocking things about blowing his brains out (which the nurses heard and got very upset about, and even after he got out of the hospital they put him under 24 hour surveillance.) And that is exactly why he went to live with my mother. Because he simply can't live alone anymore. Now that he is back to good (great even) health, mentally and physically, he still needs someone around to remind him of the pills or to eat, etc etc.

 I stayed with him on one weekend before he left, and he asked me how fair it was that he got left behind and didn't die with her. What do you say? I mean, I didnt have much of a dad growing up, and my step father didnt come along until much late in my life, so my grandfather was my father figure despite being mean and merciless to me most of my life. And even though I have been angry with him many times and sometimes not wanting to be around him, to watch him wither the way he did was really hard to see. But now that he is with my mother, he seems so much happier. He can't see or hear so well, so alot of things he could do for a hobby are out the window. He's bored alot and lets face it, there's only so much TV you can watch before you lose your mind. I really feel for him. I feel like he and I have connected in a way that we never did before, and now he is 9 hours from me with the rest of my immediate family. I wish I could talk Aaron into moving to Florida. He is close to my brother, and I'm glad for that. John always was Paw's golden child.

The big plus for me is that grandmother's grave site is within 5 minutes of my house, so I can go see her whenever I want. Paw asked me to keep flowers out there for her, and to make sure it's all nice and taken care of. I like to sit in the grass, next to her and my Aunt Barbara and talk to them. It's nice.

So many things are changing. Holidays will be so different now. My brother is getting married. Morgan had a kid!!! Life is getting interesting these days. Who knows? maybe I'll get married and have a kid myself lol

I been hanging out with Michelle alot lately. Well, as much as I could with everything going on. Right before it got cold, we had a yard sale together with her mom. Here's the setup I used:

But alot nicer looking of course. This was just the dry run I did in my living room.

Ive been crafting alot more lately, since I have been in hermit mode for a bit. Here's a couple of pics for you:

I know its upside down... SUE ME

I didn't make the bracelet, my friend Sofia Velazco did

over at Go Green Jewelry

but I made the necklace and earrings to match

Chain and washer earrings

I kept this one for myself lol

Jasper and wire

I gave these to Haley just for the hell of it

SPARKLY

Tree of life

These will be for sale soon at the Ornamental Metal Museum

Pretty turquoise mix

And these are made from plastic containers I bought cake in at the grocery store.

I love youtube tutorials!!!

Most of these pictures are older and I can't take pics of the NEW new stuff cause my camera is busted. JOY. You can also see these and mant more at my River Rock Jewelry Facebook Fan Page. Man, thats a mouthful. Come Like us and tell me what you think!!!

It is time for me to sleep. I will talk so more (GOD FORBID) later on this weekend or something. OH and BTW, December 15th through the 25th I will be having a 25% off sale on my site, so if you need a last minute gift for that speical someone, head on over to the River Rock Jewelry store and see what goodies I have in stock!

< 3

another taste of heavenly rush

OR if you want to see the lyrics or hear the full studio version,

(which is prettier in my opinion)

CLICK HERE

Every day, all day and night, this song is in the back of my head. Ever since the first time I heard it, I have swelled up with emotion. Each and every time I hear it, I just want to cry. That it is the kind of effect her voice has on me. Coupled with the strings and orchestra and choir in the back, I feel overwhelmed by sadness, and anger, and also hope and faith. It has all of my favorite things in it. A powerful yet beautiful female voice, strings, piano, a synthesizer, a swelling choir, a sweeping march, even 80's sound effects (lol)...the ups and downs of the song give me goosebumps each time. The lyrics even speak to me in a personal way that I am not willing to share with you. :p 

How is it that this song, or more to the point, this type of music can do this to me?

Truth be told, I am FITS over the release of this movie. The day cannot get here fast enough for me. It's one of my favorite fairy tales, and this dark turn they have put on it speaks to me much like the dark fantasies of my childhood. I have purposely NOT watched a lot of the release videos and behind the scenes stuff cause I want it to all be new and exciting when I finally do see it. I might just crawl my hermit ass out of my door and actually GO to a movie theater and see it. I rarely do that, even for something I might like.  We shall see if it lives up to my expectations.

What have I been doing lately you ask? Well, as usual, I have been making jewelry. NO you cannot see it yet, I'm not ready. But when you do, you'll like it, I promise. I also have been branching even further out into recycled accessories. It has been very fulfilling for me to come up with these wearable items that otherwise would have been thrown away and wasted. 

I have tried to stay away from my grandmother this week (who is in the hospital with pneumonia) because I have had what FELT like strep, but ended up being a bad head cold. That's the last thing she needs is my sick ass coming in there and making her worse. I do worry about her a lot. She seemed so weak and just tired of trying.  It scares me, but I try and think instead about how she makes me laugh, and how her smile lights up her whole face. How no matter how lonely I feel, she still talks to me (even though she doesn't like to talk) and makes me feel good about everything.

I love you Grandmother.

Now that I am fitfully crying, I think it's time to go for now.

p.s. Here's another song that pulls at my heart, and reminds me of things that can't be undone.

<3

I think I'm coming down

I am slowly catching up with people, places, things, and websites (including this one!) that I have let go for a while. It is hard to stay focused on more that one major project at a time, and when I try, all of the small things really suffer.

In fact, Haley and I met up with Thomas and Ashley at Ryu Sushi Bar on Summer for dinner tonight. I love eating there so that was a bonus, but I hadn't seen either of them for like 2 years at least so that was awesome. I told them that we should do it again really soon, and I meant it. I also told Ashley to come by anytime, even with the baby. She wanted to look at some jewelry, so we can just sit in the floor with Hendrix and make her something, and close the door so we don't have to worry about Yaya with the baby. ( I know that Yaya wouldn't hurt him, but I don't wanna chance an accident)

I miss my friends. A LOT. I miss having people to chat with on the regular. I got so used to living in a house with a bunch of people, that now that we live out on our own I feel lonely all the time. Haley is not into the crafting, and lives far out in Tipton county that she doesn't come over very much. Even on the weekends. Aaron is not interested in crafting much either. OR art for that matter really. It is also hard to meet new people. My mother suggested trying to invite over people from the Metal Museum, but I'm terrified they will get over here and realize that I'm not as creative as they are. My ego can't take the bruising right now. I wish my mother lived here, or I lived in Florida near her. We could sit and make stuff all day. Sew something, make pottery, string some beads, make something good to eat and just talk.

Anyways, I need another drink. Call me or something. I miss hearing your voice.

<3

Man, it is hard to stay focused on everything I have going on right now. The blog, unfortunately has suffered for it. I did promise more pictures of what I have been up to so here they are:

Fabric bracelets! So cute!

resin and glass

blue glass

blue glass GLOWS

mini glass cubes

what a pretty rosary

blue glass mix seed beads

sold as a set

transistors and clay beads

resistors and transistors

resisitors

mixed electrical parts

dainty hanging resistors

crackled green glass and purple swirl triple wrap

(this belongs to Misty now)

buttons buttons buttons!!!

watch parts encased in resin

screw nuts and hemp wrap

Another reversible tree of life pendant

(with REAL Mississippi river rocks!)

pretty refurbished piece

resin and hematite cubes with silver toggle clasp

I am working on lots of other projects at the moment too. I have been working with the Ornamental Metal Museum downtown and selling items out of their gift shop. I will probably accept an internship with them later this year. (If they'll have me lol)

My mother and I are doing the Cooper Young festival later this year in September. I will also be at the Millington flea market off and in until then. (As soon as they will have me too lol)

I will keep updating as I go. There are more images on Haley's camera that I have to get off before I can show you. 

OH and btw. 

SOMEONE PLEASE COME CRAFT WITH ME I AM SO LONELY

Busy, but lonely.

I have to take a shower or I'd stay and talk some more.

<3

I have many things to share today

I started working at Gregory-Salisbury Power Products Inc. with Aaron and Richard. Its an office job, so I do paper work and answer the phones, and do work orders, and P/O and S/O, and shipping and receiving, and bank deposits, and payroll attendance or time cards, and whatever Gail hands me to do. lol I like it, its a good job until I get myself situated in a pharmacy job. And its more hours and more pay
than what I got at McAlister's.
YAY!

I never made it to the bathroom with the camera that day,
I couldn't leave the phones unattended.
It had absolutely NOTHING to do with being afraid
to go down that creepy hallway!!!
So I stayed and worked on purchase orders
till it was time to clock out.

OH and great news.... I got a new soldering pen!!! 

I started on this kick because I really want to start working with metals. And our little visit to the Memphis Metal Museum only made the desire worse. A museum employee told me that if I had some metal pieces that she would give me a consignment job to sell those items in her gift shop there. She really liked the wire wrapped rings that I have been making, and said if I brought them to her she'd put them up for sale!!! So I make the stuff they sell it for me at a 60/40 split. So I went Home Depot crazy tonight. I got new needle nose pliers, some packing tape to use in my crystal resin bevels, some grips for my soldering pieces, some solder and some flux, new metal files, a metal yard stick, an exact-o knife and some new razor blades, some bits and pieces of metal to solder to stuff, and a new adjustable lamp that totally didn't freaking work. So now I have to go BACK to Home Depot to return it and completely RESIST buying anything else that I wanted, put in the basket, and then put back on the shelf in financial frustration. lol Cause I TOTALLY could have bought more. I need several things from the craft store that I don't yet have. 

I'm sewing again too. I made this a few weeks ago.

I am also looking for ANYTHING that I can use to hang necklaces from. An old wire shelf, a DVD rack, an old coat rack, ANYTHING!!! I am running out of places to put necklaces, and I'm seriously considering moving to a packet system where after the item is created, tagged and uploaded to the site, it gets bagged and placed in a bin numerically. It has just become too much to keep them on display at all times. Even if I found some new racks I got nowhere to put them up in the storage area. I'm completely out of room.

Yesterday Aaron and I redid the fish tank.
The fish seem really happy.
I wish I could move them right next to my crafting station,
the sound of the water running is so relaxing.

I also have been toying with hair accessories lately. My buddy Misty came down to visit, and she told me that she might be able to get me a domain for free so that I can host an actual website for my sales. I'd have to spend a little money to have credit card purchasing for my site, but I think it would be worth it in the end. IF I do that, I'd probably change the name of the site to something that includes all accessories and any sewing items I make, so something similar to "Jenny's Gifts," or "River Rock Designs," etc. I'll have to think about an expanded name idea for my creations. Any suggestions?

(Aaron bought this for me at Spin Street.
Isn't he just the greatest?)

<3

paper beads and more

I didnt realize how long it had been since I posted last. I AM SLACKIN. lol Well, it has been a pretty insane month, but I'm excited about the new term starting up in a week. It will be my LAST TERM hopefully. If I don't screw it up. lol I only have one class scheduled; it is a refresher for the state board exam, and it will be pretty tough.

On a much lighter note, I have been making TONS of stuff! Mostly paper beads made from colorful glossy ads in magazines, or from newpaper articles. The cool part is, you can still see alot of the letters and words from the articles they were written from. Some of the beads I made the other night say "debt-ceiling" on them. I totally didn't plan it that way. It made me laugh! 

Here's all my supplies all ready to make some pretty beads!

Here's some of the finished beads on their little drying pedestal.

This is a variety of beads I've made over the last two nights.

I will be making more of them soon. I need some more general colors like green, and black and brown. I will also post pics soon of some of the bracelets I've made from these. I want to make a cool necklace out of the newspaper ones for myself! :p

Ok I have to open in the morning, so I am off to bed!

Have a great night!

<3

Venture MANIA and regrets GALORE

(this is my favorite pulp song and and again reminds me 
of someone who knew me better than I knew myself.)

Steroid Maximus_Venture Bros Medley from JG Thirlwell on Vimeo.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love The Venture Brothers? I finally got season 4.2 and watched it for the second time. There was more content in the DVD version that what I saw on the website when it came out. Little tidbits of the story I either didn't catch or simply weren't there the first time I watched it. I am OVERJOYED at the awesomeness of it all. Why can't I live in that universe? Why am I stuck in this sucky universe? I think I'd make an awesome Super Scientist. And Haley would so be my Super Villain arch nemesis. I'd marry Gary and make him a happy man. After the ending to season 4.2 I feel so bad for him, I just want to hold him and cuddle him till he forgot all about that evil woman, Dr. Mrs. The Monarch. There are so many things to talk about, and I am too inebriated to even speak on them all. I love Shorleave and Al. I love Brock and Mol. I love Orpheus and Triana. I especially love Dean and Hank. I really do love them all. It is definitively my favorite show of all time! Kudos to the men who created it. You have made my life a better place to be. If you have not watched The Venture Borthers, PLEASE clal me, and we can watch them. I have all seasons up to date, and am ALWAYS willing to watch them again... over and over and over. BEST. SHOW. EVAR. PERIOD.

I am up again way too late again. I will admit that I have been drinking tonight. That is not the reason I feel this way. It simply makes it easier to admit to the things I am saying lol. I am listening to the Stereogum mix as usual. As with my tastes in music lately, I find that I am not like other people around me. Even Aaron does not share my tastes in shows, or music, or life in general sometimes. I need someone to share these things with. Haley likes The Venture Brothers, so we still have that major item in my life in common, but I think we steadily grow apart, day by day. It is something I think about alot. I wonder sometimes, if I am closing myself off to others. If maybe it is me how is out of whack with those around me. Perhaps I focus too much on the differences we have, and not enough on the things we do have in common. All I know is that I can't stand the idea of us not having that connection we always had as teens. I want to be closer to the people around me, the people I love, but it is hard when we are physically so far apart. When schedules do not allow for that kind of regular contact. Hell, I live with Aaron and I feel like we barely get enough time to be actively involved in each others interests and emotions. I FEEL too much, and I think too much. I need to think less and BE more. Perhaps it will be easier when I am working a regular schedule and not focused on school so much. I find that most of the day is taken up by work, and school, and homework, and studying, and life's routines, and me worrying about little things I cannot affect at this point in my life. Maybe I am just kidding myself that moving away will fix everything I think is broken in my life. Starting over will only bring more problems for me to "fix." I want to be there more for my family, and especially for my grandparents. The last time I was there at their house, my grandfather said something to the affect of he was surprised I even showed up. I'm not sure he knows how much those kinds of comments affect me. I'm finally getting my collective "shit" together, and I can't be there like I want to be. I cannot wait till I graduate. At least then I can have more focus on things that matter to me via a regular schedule that I can manage my life easier with. I know I talk and talk and talk a lot of crap. I need to deliver, and fast, before I lose all of the things that really matter to me. I just hope those I love are willing to compromise with me and FOR me as I am for them, whether they see that or not.

On a much lighter note, I created a CYBER ME to talk to. I am still in the process of programming her to be more like me. She Is Jenny V2 and she is located at the bottom of my blog, here on this page. Talk to her, I'm sure she is just as lonely as I am.

Goodnight bloggers.

<3

long day

(This reminds me of someone I used to know better than myself)

We spent most of yesterday night at the hospital with Aaron's dad. He had an inguinal hernia that was massive, and creating a lot of pain for him. They rushed him into emergency surgery last night, and when we originally talked about the repercussions of it with the doctor, things didn't sound too good. They said it was possible that part of his bowel or his colon might have come out and there might be a lot of tissue loss or even tissue death. The surgeon was very blunt and short with John, and I didn't like him very much. He seemed bothered that he might have to stay late and save John's life. I hoped that his pushy arrogance belied his genius in the operation room, and that seemed to be the case. They took him into surgery about 10:30 pm last night. In a little over an hour he was out, and doing fantastically. They said no organs had protruded the hole, and that all of his tissues seemed to be intact, despite the fact that this possibly happened a few days ago, and John didn't let anyone know about it until the pain was so intense he couldn't take it anymore. He is doing so well in fact that they just let him out of the hospital to go home about an hour ago. He is still in a lot of pain, but they have him on some good meds, so he should heal up pretty well. We were really worried about his blood pressure through the whole thing. Massive pain like he experienced is enough to shoot up anyone's adrenaline and blood pressure, but he did really well. They did have to be extra careful during surgery because John is on Plavix which is a blood thinner. They said they gave him platelets to counteract the medication and bleeding wasn't a real problem.

I'm so releived that he did so well. He and Aaron don't show alot of emotion, and I know that Aaron was in knots over his dad being back in the hospital in such an awful condition. Seeing his dad in that much pain was overwhelming for him. He had to watch his mother go through alot of pain recently with her operations and it was awful then too. But last night Aaron had to face the fact that his father might not come out of this one unscathed. Thank the gods that he did, but I think the whole experience has worn him down.

We are gonna spend the rest of the day in bed hopefully.

<3

gaining speed... soon to be at starburst

I met with the pharmacist in charge of my internship today. She seems like a very sweet lady. When I got there this morning though, they acted surprised to see me. Apparently they have had some problems with past interns, and were told they wouldn't be getting any more. Then I show up at their doorstep, all giddy and smiles. When they finally got the ok for me to be there, I had to take the Federal HIPPA test, and that took a while to complete. OF COURSE I passed with flying colors. lol A 5 yr old could pass that. They drill it into your head over and over, and then ask you the same questions a million times. We talked about a schedule for the whole thing, and I left soon afterwards so I could rush to work. It was a short shift, but I am  exhausted tonight. I got up really early today.

I also spent a good amount of time working on some jewelry storage issues that I am having. If anyone knows anyone that might be able to build me a large jewelry tree, or rack for necklaces and bracelets, PLEASE let me know. I have no carpentry skills whatsoever, and I am running out of room!!! I do not want to invest in even more cork boards, or peg hook boards, I am spread out enough across the small amount of storage space I do have as it is. I need to build UP not out. lol

I want this, but this is nice too, but I would need it to hold many more than 20.
I NEED POWER TOOLS!!!!!

I have to sleep now, I have a dentist appt in the morning, then off to school.

Gnite peoples.

<3

sushi and jewelry and new music OH MY

Well,a few nights ago I got Haley to slide by the house, and me her and Aaron made home made sushi. I thought we did pretty well! Salmon, and crab, and cream cheese, and cucumbers, and panko bread crumbs make for awesome cooked sushi. It's not something I want to do all of the time, considering how much it cost to get all of the ingredients we didn't already have.

I am just dropping in to say hello and show you what I made tonight.

Isn't it preeetty?

Leslie seems to think so.

Hopefully I can upload to my site again real soon, 

I already have PLENTY made.

 Gnite bloggers!

<3

new designs

I have been a busy little bee. Wanna see?

Some of these are already up on the
River Rock website, but not all.

One of them has already been sold!
Hope you like them!

<3