Strange Angels

Despite living in a city like Memphis where there are deep cuts from racism and poverty I rarely talk about racism, or politics, or economics. But I was thinking alot about them today. I watched a story on a little place in MS called Turkey Creek, where direct descendants of black slaves were fighting to save their historical town. No one would help them, not the state or federal govts, not the NAACP, not even the people you would think would fight for their rights. Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson, and many more of these powerful figures would talk on end about the injustice of these events, and about the tragedy of what would happen to the land these people have lived on for 150 years, but they have not raised one finger to help the citizens of Turkey Creek fight for their rights. 

The city even bulldozed a very old graveyard, and built apartments right over the historical grave sites. It was not saved because it was never mapped out for the National Historical Sites Listing. Things continued to get worse until it was discovered that there are many types of endangered or threatened bird species living in that area. That is when the Audubon Society stepped in, and now they are making huge chunks of Turkey Creek protected habitat for these birds, consequentially saving the citizens homes from the bulldozers.

There was an interview with a town advocate on the latest episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. The guy says that when the outdoor enthusiasts showed up in their town, things quickly began to change for the better. Citizens were even educated to identify birds different bird species, and to help the Audubon people to count these animals for study.

The whole thing just shows that for people in power the only thing that matters is profits. But bird people REALLY love birds. And if hanging out with the bird nerds, or whoever is in a position to help us save our country - our planet, well then I'm more than happy to do so. Hey I like birds! I must admit that I do like the planet in general more than people. I just want to see Turkey Creek citizens keep their ancestral homes. I want to see them given  more opportunities to learn the tools that will help them better their town and themselves. I want to see the history preserved, for future generations to experience. I want to see us working together, no matter our personal motivations, to better ourselves and our world. 

passive enlightenment

I have been reading a book compiled by a late 19th century author called Paul Carrus. It is called The Teachings of Buddha. Here is a passage that has stuck with me, since an argument Haley and I had recently.

"Self is a fleeting error; it is individual separateness and that egotism which engenders envy and hatred. Self is the yearning for pleasure and the lust after vanity. Truth us the correct comprehension of things; it is the permanent and everlasting, the real in all existence, the bliss of righteousness. The existence of self is an illusion, and there is no wrong in this world, no vice, no evil, except what flows from the assertion of self. The attainment of truth is possible only when self is recognized as an illusion. Righteousness can be practiced only when we have freed out mind from passions of egotism. Perfect peace can dwell only where all vanity has disappeared."

I feel sometimes that I am irreparably flawed, that I cannot even hope to become the person I want to be. That simply I am who I am and there is no such thing as complete change in a person. Then I read things like this and the change seems even more overwhelming. But all this week, I realized even more how weak I am. How little will power I have to stop myself from doing things I know are bad for me.

This has only made me more determined. I will make mistakes, I am not perfect. I must accept that being hard on myself is part of my ego (for all of the wrong reasons), and correct my behavior accordingly. I also must accept that ego is a big part of everyone's life in this society as it is, and stop fighting it. It is not my battle to fight for others, just WITH them. I have a hard enough time doing it for myself.

It's not because I want to be better than others (as if I have life figured out hahaha), but FOR others in my life, and for myself. If I am a better centered person, I will be a better mother for my kids, and a more stable person in general. The self doubt I apply to everything must stop. I feel like if I don't overcome this huge obstacle, I will not be able to win this fight to better myself.

(Simply put) I am self centered, and I want to tone it down a bit.
I want to be a better wife, a better friend, a better person.

Formulating a plan is easy. Putting it in regular practice in and under stress is another thing entirely.

PS: Even the video inspired me today. I found this under the comments for this video on YouTube.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

or as Haley quoted to me yesterday
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and procaliming, " Wow, what a ride!"

someone sent me this and I thought it was wonderful

> You're an 19 year old kid. You're critically wounded, and dying in the jungle in the Ia Drang Valley , 11-14-1965, LZ X-ray, Vietnam . Your infantry unit is outnumbered 8 - 1, and the enemy fire is so intense, from 100 or 200 yards away, that your own Infantry Commander has ordered the MediVac helicopters to stop coming in. You're lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns, and you know you're not getting out. Your family is 1/2 way around the world, 12,000 miles away, and you'll never see them again. As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day.
> Then, over the machine gun noise, you faintly hear that sound of a helicopter, and you look up to see an un-armed Huey, but it doesn't seem real, because no Medi-Vac markings are on it.
> Ed Freeman is coming for you. He's not Medi-Vac, so it's not his job, but he's flying his Huey down into the machine gun fire, after the Medi-Vacs were ordered not to come.
> He's coming anyway.
> And he drops it in, and sits there in the machine gun fire, as they load 2 or 3 of you on board.
> Then he flies you up and out through the gunfire, to the Doctors and Nurses.
> And, he kept coming back.... 13 more times..... And took about 30 of you and your buddies out, who would never have gotten out.
> Medal of Honor Recipient, Ed Freeman,died last Wednesday at the age of 80, in Boise , ID ......

What a wonderful man.