you are SUCH a downer...

(Lost my grip and my vision gone dull)

I am back again after a long self absorbed hiatus. Who know how long this will last? I have gotten out of talking to myself too much because I hate to hear the voices in my head just ramble on. The dark side has taken hold for a while, and I have drowned myself in vodka and music too much lately, dumbing down the light inside so I can sit and feel sorry for myself. She would be angry with me if she knew how I felt inside, and how much I feed the sorrow in me. I miss her. I miss hearing her voice on my lunch break. All of the things I missed, and all the things we could have done or said, or learned from one another, all gone. What could have been haunts me forever. Another missed chance, another squandered opportunity. I tell myself that she understood me, when I don't even understand myself most of the time. It's all bullshit, and I know it.

but i still miss her

and memaw too

I like to think that they both watch me

but I know that's bullshit too

After her funeral, I lost all desire to create, until tonight. I came home after work and for the first time in two months, I felt the need to make something pretty. So I did.

Cane glass. With round and square silver spacer beads. I like it so much, I'm gonna wear it to work tomorrow. I think they'd both like it a lot.

I'm up too late and I'm probably alone in the office tomorrow, so I should go. Sorry I'm such a downer right now. Maybe you should go and read something happy to counter the downer on this page today. I'll be okay, eventually.

<3>